I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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