In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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