bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
