Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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