I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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