He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
