His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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