I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
