Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize