Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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