Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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