So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
