So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
