I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
