Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
