I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
