i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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