You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
