No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
