I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
