You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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