i think my mom watched the whole time
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hippo gnu deer
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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