I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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