Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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