new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
