Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am spending my child support on dildos
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
