p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
