Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
