Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
please come you make the beer taste better
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
