i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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