What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
