I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
