Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
