Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
