I accidentally burped into my bong.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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