is your mom at the bar?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
