last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
