I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
