Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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