Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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