drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
