So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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