I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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