PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
