OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
