when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
