I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
