the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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