I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
