You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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