dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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