he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
