I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
