my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
