3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
