I puked a lego.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
