i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
