READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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