I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
