Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
