I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
