how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
