was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
