Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
