oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
