i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
