dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We're too hungover to prance.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize