He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
