Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize