Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
