Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
