my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
