put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
