You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
