Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
