Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
